Guatemala Day Four

Day four:

I’ve been dreading writing this post since I came home.  This day was by far the hardest emotionally for me. 

We were going to go into Antigua (a bigger city in Guatemala with a market and tourist stuff) later that day, so I dressed nicer.  We were delivering care packages to various families in need in the morning, and then going  to Antigua that afternoon. 

The first family we visited was a sweet family with two boys, a nine month old and a four year old.  The four year old, 10 months ago, was severely burned on half of his body.  He has been in the hospital since then.  His dad stays with him 24/7 and his mom stays home with the baby.  As you can imagine, there was no source of income.  With the dad at the hospital all the time and the mom with the baby, they simply didn’t have money for food or anything else.  It was an honor to be able to serve them.  They melted my heart.  Seeing the gratitude in the mother’s eyes is like nothing else.  The four year old boy actually got all of the synthetic skin (which is super pricy) he would need to heal his wounds, donated from the States!!  Praise be to God!!

The next few families were all living near each other in a sort of village.  The first family was a family with 12 kids and no daddy.  One day the dad was playing soccer with his kids when they kicked the ball into the street on accident.  He went out to go get it and was hit by a truck and killed.  Even typing those words makes me sick.  The older children were forced out of school to work to support the family.  I stared into the eyes of another 15 year old, just like me, who would never know her multiplication facts, much less be able to be anything she wanted to be.  It killed me.  We couldn’t even get a little smile out of the little children who were timidly hiding behind their worn out mother. 

The next family is the reason why I couldn’t force my fingers to type for so long.  I couldn’t process it.  Some of you might know who Yessica is from the Block’s blog.  She is a sweet 17 year old girl who either had polio when she was little or has CP, and is wheelchair bound and non-verbal.  Her smile says it all, though.  Her smile cannot be replaced, duplicated, or ever erased from my mind.  We were able to give her her very first pair of shoes!  Light up princess shoes to be exact:).  The joy that radiated from her cannot be described.  We were able to pray over her, and that is when I lost it.  I was trying so hard not to disrupt the prayers with my tears.  All I could focus on was trying to contain the sobs that so desperately wanted to escape from my mouth. The minute the prayer was over I ran out of their yard and into Matt.  He is an older man who had been at VOH helping for a few months.  He held me while I sobbed all over his shoulder.  He just rubbed my head and stroked my hair telling me it was OK.  I turned around and there was my soul sister, Addisyn, waiting to hold me also.  I felt so bad taking the attention away from Yessica.  I tried with all my might to control myself.  I’ve only lost it like that a few times in my life.  I didn’t want to make her family feel bad, either.  I was completely relying on Christ’s strength to walk back into their yard and help distribute more shoes.  I kept my eyes on the ground and my teeth biting my lip to keep it from quivering.  I repeated Bible verses and told myself to keep breathing.  I couldn’t put into words what I was feeling or why I was feeling it.  I was overwhelmed and just wanted to go home and forget all of it.  All I kept thinking was that she could be having therapies!  Cooper and Conner (my little brothers, adopted from Ukraine in March, 2012) were similar to her, but were transformed with proper care.  She didn’t deserve to be living in such horrendous conditions!  I was so mad.  I wanted to fix everything.  I felt helpless.

The next family was nestled on the side of a hill near Yessica’s house.  I didn’t go in.  I couldn’t bear anything more.  When 15 minutes later everyone else came out crying, I knew I made a good choice. 

On our way up I was able to meet a little girl with clubbed feet, just like my Cooper had.  I was able to hold her and tell her mom that I understood how hard it can be and speak encouragement to her.  That lifted my spirits so much. 

After that, we drove into the mountains and parked at the top of this huge mountainside.  We walked down steep and sketchy steps to get to the last family.  It was a mom who was blind, a severely special needs daughter, and a typically functioning daughter who stayed home to take care of them.  They lived in a dark room that reeked of urine and rotting food.  It was infested with bugs and flies.  To top it off, they were being evicted.  They had nowhere to go.  We prayed with them and gave them shoes and food.  Their faces were priceless.  It’s such a striking contrast to us Americans.  When we get another pair of shoes, it’s no big deal because we already have 20 pairs.  They are receiving their first!  It is monumental, something they’ve dreamed about, and the joy is phenomenal!  Help me, Jesus. 

After that family, we loaded up and drove in silence all the way to Antigua.  Everyone was lost in their thoughts.  We ate lunch at a very “American” restraunt, where Sweet Home Alabama played as we ate!  There was a balcony with a beautiful view of a volcano. 

After lunch we shopped til we dropped.  I think we all felt bad buying souvenirs for our family and friends when we just saw poverty at the extreme.  I had lots of fun bartering, though!  I was excited to finally use my Spanish on my own that I had been working on all week! 

We had pizza for dinner and then some soccer and devo:).  The devotions that night were about beauty and it was led by one of the girls on the trip.  It was so good!  We ended up talking for a long time and all went to bed beat.

To be continued…….

Guatemala Day Three

Our group didn’t leave VOH a lot on day three.  We had a lot of projects to continue working on, and the daughters were hosting a mother’s luncheon for lunch. 

Rosa and her little brothers came and the little boys got to do some finger painting, which they LOVED!  Here is a video of their sweet faces clearly loving this activity!

After they painted we needed someone to play with them while Rosa finished up getting her groceries, so I took them over to the playscape.  They had a blast pretending to break into the “big bad white girl’s” house and I would tell them, “No little boys in my house!” and throw them down the slide:).  They thought that was just the best:).  I wish I could have gotten a picture with them, but this is Rosa and I:

When it came time for them to go, us daughters went to the kitchen to help prepare the mother’s luncheon.  Since I didn’t have my mom with me, there was another lady who didn’t have a daughter, so I made her a card and served her.  I loved watching all the other daughters serve their moms, too, you could tell they really appreciated it. 

After lunch we worked on more projects around VOH and then Addie came and invited me to go visit their friend from the market’s son in the hospital.  The day before, his appendix had ruptured but they were able to remove it.  He was so close to dying.  Our team had prayed and worshipped for him for a long time the day before, so I jumped at the opportunity to meet him.

He was really out of it when we got there, and clearly in a lot of pain.  His dad works at the market in Antigua and is good friends with the Blocks.  It was so special to be able to pray over this sweet little boy and lift us his family who was so weary to God.  His dad’s faith blew me away.  He is a Guatemalan and represents Jesus’ name like no one I’ve ever seen!  He doesn’t let anyone leave his little booth in the market without them hearing the Gospel.  His joy is radiant and contagious.  It was an honor and blessing to be able to meet him. 

We got back to VOH and had dinner, did devos, then got to play a game called Silent Football.  It was so fun!!!  We played late into the night and then crashed hard.

To be continued……….

Guatemala Day Two

Before I begin day two, I need to apologize for not posting!  I’ve been trying to process all the things I saw during my trip and finally feel ready to continue.  Thank you all for your patience and graciousness!!

Day two:

Right after breakfast and devotions, we walked down the road to the local school to teach English.  In Guatemala, the little kids go to school in the morning and the older ones go to school in the afternoon, so it was mostly younger kids we’d be teaching that morning.  Although, in Guatemala, it seems that kids can be 15 years old and in the third grade, so we could have a wide variance in the ages we’d be teaching.  Anyway, we split up into groups and went into each classroom to teach some English.  I got to grab the children with special needs and teach them outside of the classrooms on the floor.  I had them draw pictures and taught them some colors in English.  They were too cute!  After I finished with them I hung around and learned some Spanish while I waited for everyone else to get done.

We came back to VOH and worked on our various projects and then had lunch.

After lunch we loaded up graham crackers, water, and Wordless Bible bracelets and headed to the local soccer field to give a sort of VBS for the kids.  I led three VBS songs in Spanish with the hand motions and everything!  I’m sure they were all just too busy watching the crazy white girl flailing her arms to some butchered Spanish lyrics to participate, but that’s OK, I still had fun:).  I then helped hold up some pictures while my friend, Ashley, gave the Prodigal Son story in Spanish.  Then we told the Wordless Bible bracelet story and gave them out, along with some crackers and water.

 

 

After our “presentation” we got to play with all of the kids.  I grabbed the colorful parachute and went to work playing various games with the giggling little Guatemalans.  I would talk to them and they would look at their friends, surpress a giggle and politely say, “Your Spanish is not good!”  Oh well, at least I got my point across:). 

While playing I spotted a little girl next to the road all by herself.  I went over to talk to her and found out her name was Maria.  I asked why she was all alone and she said that she didn’t have any friends.  I then proceeded to tell her that I would be her friend and she immediately gave me the biggest bear hug ever!  I had to literally bribe her with taking a picture with me to get her to let go.  She took my hand and skipped all the way to the camera where we took this picture:

After that she pretty much just dragged me by the hand and had me hold her bubbles while she played with the other kids:).  Before we left she gave me another hug and said thank you.  I’ll never forget sweet Maria.

On the way home from the VBS we walked by Rosa’s house.  I really wasn’t prepared for what I saw.  A whole family just huddled in the middle of a fenced in field with a shack.  The sound of the baby’s cry is what made me leave their house shaken and disturbed. This little baby was filthy.  It wailed out from pangs of hunger.  The hoarse cry ran deep into my soul and shook my whole being.  I was saddened that people are forced to live this way, and witnessing this really shook me up.

When we got back to VOH we had the privlege of making tortillas with Elsa, who is the cook and cleaner at VOH.  It was so much fun!  Then we ate dinner, played soccer, then had devos, just like the night before.  The devo that night was so convicting and the discussion was just awesome.  I treasure every minute we got to spend together talking.  I took a cold shower, then went to bed.

To be continued……

Guatemala Day One

If you haven't given up on my little blog yet, and you still care about what I have to say, this post is long overdue and I'm sorry!  My Blogger has been messing up and I've been real busy.

Just two days after I got home from Guatemala, Mom, Dad, Parker, Meribeth, Sawyer, Emily, KJ, and I headed off to Nashville for the Summit 9 orphan conference!   I had an amazing time in Nashville!  It was such a time of encouragement and learning.  I especially enjoyed spending time with sweet Harper Salem (Adeye Salem's little girl)!  I have dreamed of meeting her since she came home from Ukraine three years ago.  I'm glad to be home now, though.

Back to business-- I'm going to write one post for each of my five days in Guatemala.  Day one:
I actually arrived the night before, but it was late, so I'm counting today as day one.

I got up at 5am because of the time difference and it was SO bright outside!  I just wasn't tired.  I lied in bed for a while and was the first one to breakfast:-).  Since this was a mother/daughter trip, Village of Hope set up devotionals every morning for the moms and daughters.  Since I didn't have my mom, Addisyn Block (Amy’s oldest daughter) stepped in as my mommy for the week!  So we did devos together every morning.  It was a really good time to get to talk to someone so similar to me.  Sure she lives in another country, but our hearts are cut from the same cloth.

After devos we all took a tour of Village of Hope (VOH).  There are two families that live at VOH, the Blocks and the Uchereks.  We got to hear both of their stories and I just got blown away by God's sovereignty.
Everyone on the mother/daughter team was asked to bring shoes, and shoes we did bring!!  Together we brought over 400 pairs of shoes!!  Thank you to everyone who donated those shoes!!  Day one we had to sort all of them into sizes and gender.  Then we had to tie the pairs together to keep them together.  We did that until lunch.  Meanwhile I was loving getting to know all of the lovely ladies that were on the trip.  I just love getting to meet new people, and there were not two families from the same state!  We had a pretty good sampling of the nation at that little village in Guatemala:-).

After lunch we started on some more projects.  Since it was a group of only girls, we got to do some really fun decorating stuff.  We painted all kinds of wall decor for the boys' and girls' rooms.  All the while we were all dreaming of the kids that will look over at their wall and see our handwriting, or our paint job.  It was truly a blessing.  Those projects carried on throughout the week.

A few hours later we packed up and went to the local market in San Lucas.  I got to try lots of traditional Guatemalan foods and see the Mayan women in their traditional clothing.  I loved every minute!  It was just so cool.  I love experiencing other cultures.  I am so blessed to be only 15 and have experienced many different cultures.

We returned from the market and went back to our decor projects.  I got to tell our family's story many times throughout the week.  We had a lot of good talks while making bracelets or tediously cutting out letters.  I got to talk to one mom on the trip who's sister went to Heaven when she was my age, also.  I always love it when I can meet someone who has gone through the same thing.  You just can't say you understand unless it's happened to you.  I don't wish losing your sister on anyone, but its just hard to truly relate if it’s never happened to you.  It's just nice to talk to someone who DOES get it.  She's been there.  I was grateful.

We had dinner and then some free time.  I hung out with some of the other girls and then went out to play soccer.  Some Guatemalan teenagers came over for dinner and then to play soccer. I am no good at soccer (or any sport, really:-)), but I wanted to hang out with everyone, so I played.  It was so funny to have us talk in English and they're asking Kallan and Addy (the Block’s older kids) what we're saying, and then they talk and we're asking the same questions!  Lots of laughs through the language barrier:-).

Every night the team gathered together to have a group devo.  Each night was a different leader.  It truly was a special time to share and learn from each other.  I was so tired, so after devo I went straight to bed.  Addy, Maya, and Aleigha Block were so sweet to share their room with me!  I said goodnight and was asleep before my head could hit the pillow!

To be continued......

Guatemala or Bust!

As I prepare to leave for Guatemala today, I thought I would post the video capturing the work that got me entered into the mission trip giveaway that I won.  Click HERE to watch it!
SO EXCITED!!!!!!!

A Day In The Life…..

Of Mattie Patterson.

People ask me all the time what its like to be a Patterson big kid.  What does my schedule look like?  How do I get school done?  Do I have chores?  Here is a general idea of what my weekdays look like:

Most weekdays, my alarm goes off at 8am.  Meribeth and Ella are just now getting to the schoolroom for their shift in school.  I turn it off and roll over for a few minutes, and then open my Bible for some time in the Word.

At 9am, four extra kids (we provide homeschooling respite for) get here and head to the schoolroom.  I get Selah up and eat breakfast with her until 9:30.  Then one of our helpers (and my good friend), Emily, comes to help us with Selah.  Then I usually take a shower and do my chores.  My chores are things like cleaning the toilets, sweeping the floors, and vacuuming.  I do chores 2-3 times a week, and when I’m not doing chores in the mornings, I spend  time hanging out, visiting, reading, etc.  Sometimes I hang out with Emily and Selah.  Sometimes I assist Mom at a doctor’s appointment for one of the littles. 

At 11:30AM I start making lunch.  I turn on some worship music and sing along as I cook.  At Noon everyone sits down at the table for some good food and lots of laughs:).  The four extra kids join us, and our table is full of conversation.  As soon as everyone finishes, we all clear the table. After the dishes are done, we all play a game of basketball before school starts back up at 1PM.  The girls stay in to do the dishes and then we join the boys outside. 

At 1PM, everyone goes their separate ways.  I take Moses (one of the extra kids) to tutor him until 1:30PM, Meribeth takes Selah for her nap, Remember (one of the extra kids) takes Kiefer and Ella to do a little school work with them, and the rest go to the school room.  After I tutor Moses, we walk back to the schoolroom together.  Then for the next three and a half hours I bury my face in my Physics book and work some Algebra 2 problems.

At 5:00PM, the extra kids leave, and I walk back to the house from school.  Every day, Selah spots me from the basketball court and screams, “Maaaatttttiiiiieeee!!!!!” all the way to me and gives me a big bear hug.  I go inside to help make dinner with the other girls and Mom, and the boys stay outside to watch the littles.  Usually Conner and Cooper are doing some kind of therapy (PT, OT, ST) when I get there, then after Conner’s bath at about 5:45PM the girls have, “Conner time”:).  We all pass him around and love on our squeaky clean little monkey:).  He cracks up as we all ooh and ahh over him. 

At 6PM, we call everyone in for dinner.  Our table is full.  Conversations swirl all around.  Selah, Conner, and Cooper keep everyone alert watching for flying spoons and food!  We do a devo and at about 6:30, we close with a final prayer and we are all dismissed.  We put our plates, napkins, and silverware in the corresponding bins, and Kiefer helps to clear the table  Ella unloads the dishwasher from the breakfast/lunch load.  Dad usually takes Selah, Conner goes up to bed (his school days exhaust him), and Cooper goes to the bath.  The boys go outside and the girls clean up.  At 7PM, Meribeth and I usually go running (:)).  When we get back, we help out wherever we’re needed, or if there’s a fun activity happening we join in.  We take turns putting Selah to sleep around 8PMish.

By 8:30PM, the house is quiet(er).  All of the littles are asleep, or at least in bed.  The big boys are usually team roping, and the big girls sit around and talk.  At about 9:30PM, all the big kids and Mom and Dad round up our popcorn and watch a show or something.  We’ve made it through The Walton's, Little House On The Prairie, Dr. Quinn.  We don’t have network TV or cable, so we watch movies most of the time, but we also have the ability to watch other things online if it’s appropriate.  We LOVE Duck Dynasty!!  Uncle Si is my favorite:).  It is our time as the big kids to relax and spend some time all together.  At about 10:30PM, I fall into bed, but I’m always reading some book that just can’t wait to be finished until another night, so around 11PM I look to my left to see Meribeth asleep, look to my right to see KJ winding down, and then take off my glasses and turn out my lamp.

 

This is just a rough draft of what my weekdays look like.  Ask anyone—everyday is an adventure at the Patterson home!  I love spending time with my family and am so thankful for the helpers that so lovingly serve our family.  I wouldn’t change a thing.  Thank You, Jesus!

Oh, Happy Day!

 

The greatest day in history, death is beaten
You have rescued me
Sing it out, Jesus is alive

The empty cross, the empty grave
Life eternal, You have won the day
Shout it all, Jesus is alive
He's alive

Oh happy day, happy day
You washed my sin away
Oh happy day, happy day
I'll never be the same
Forever I am changed

When I stand, in that place
Free at last, meeting face to face
I am Yours, Jesus You are mine

Endless joy and perfect peace
Earthly pain finally will cease
Celebrate Jesus is alive
He's alive

Oh what a glorious day
What a glorious way
That You have saved me
Oh what a glorious day
What a glorious name
Jesus!

 

On Friday my dad wanted all of the big kids to watch The Passion of the Christ movie.  Most of us had never seen it before, including myself.  I felt ready, but a little nervous (I don’t handle bloody stuff very well:)). 

I got through it and I was shaken.  I think I cried a steady stream of tears the entire movie.  There is just something about acually seeing an almost perfect reenactment (even down to the original language!) that makes it so much more real.  I know they are only actors, but they did a really good job!  What hit me really hard was Mary, Jesus’ mother.  While watching, I just couldn’t fathom how any mom could do that.  She followed Him all the way to Calvary and saw all of His suffering.  She is so strong.  Blows my mind.

I didn’t even know what to pray that night.  My words seemed so pointless and small.  So, I ended up just writing out the lyrics to Jesus Paid It All and thanking my Savior.  I let those lyrics seep into my soul. 

Then at church on Sunday our pastor preached on the blood covenant that God made with us through Jesus.  There is just so much significance to everything!  I learned that the meaning of ‘friend’ in the Bible is, “someone that will always do what’s best for the other, even to their harm”.  Whoa.  We have watered that word down a lot!  That definition makes God calling us His friend even more astounding.  He’s not just our buddy.  He’s our friend.

I am really thankful right now.  Please join me in praising the Alpha and Omega today!

Love and Life

“Where you invest your love, you invest your life.”

-Mumford and Sons (Awake My Soul)

I just love those lyrics.  Mumford and Sons is a secular band, but even they understand that deep truth.  I love the word ‘invest’.  That implies action, and love is a verb.  We have to choose to love, and who we choose to love determines our life. 

I choose to love God.  Because He first loved me.  The rest of my life, well, if my love is invested in Him, then it will be one perfectly wild adventure.

As we celebrate Easter and the most loving sacrifice ever to be displayed, let’s thank God for His abundant love.  Because without it, we would be left to die, with no hope.  But what a glorious Savior we serve! 

Thank You, Jesus, for Your blood that washes my crimson stains white as snow.  Thank You for the love You have so lavished on me.  Help me to love as You have.

My Bug Bug (Selah)

Ask anyone-- Selah and I are BFFs:).  Her first word was ‘Mattie’!  I’ve said before that I love her like my own daughter, which is kind of a weird statement to most people since she’s my sister.  Let me explain:

As I said in my testimony, when Mom and Dad went to Ukraine to adopt Conner and Cooper us kids were left to take care of each other.  Most people would look at that situation and blame my parents for being awful to us for placing such huge responsibility on our shoulders.  It wasn’t like that at all.  My Nana died unexpectedly just three weeks before my parents were leaving for Ukraine.  Since she wouldn’t be able to come stay with us, my parents asked us who we wanted to come help us.  We refused to let anyone come help.  We wanted to hold down the fort on our own, and because my parents’ awesome friend, Stephanie (our school teacher), lives here on our ranch, just a hop, skip, and a jump away, my parents agreed to allow us to stay home.  Stephanie would be here 24/7, but she would sleep in her home, unless we asked her to stay in our home overnight. 

During that time, all I could tell people when they asked how I was doing was, “I have never felt so completely in the center of God’s will.”  There was something so fulfilling about using my hands and feet to really make an impact.  Without us big kids staying home and taking care of all the littles, we wouldn’t have been able to adopt Conner and Cooper. 

I was reminiscing about that time in my life the other day, and I had a revelation.  I kept Selah alive and well for two months of her life!  I was her mommy for that time, and I enjoyed it!  Sure, I was really tired after being up all night, having to go to school, doctors appointments, and all that, but it was phenomenal.  I grew so much in responsibility and maturity. 

I want to thank my parents for being so in love with Jesus that they would have the faith that God would equip us big kids to get the job done, and to leave the country to rescue my sweet brothers!  My life would be so much more empty without the blessed extra chromosome my brothers have. 

Back to Selah, we grew very close in that time.  She is my Sweet Love, Bug Bug, Sugars, Selah Ka-wis, Turkey Monster, Mi Vida, and Miracle.  I adore every inch of her!  I get all emotional thinking about my life if she weren’t in it.  Sounds like a mom, huh?:)  That girl takes my breath away, and I will forever be grateful to God for her life. 

I’ll close with this story:

The other night we were driving in the car and I was sitting next to Selah.  It was all girls and we were listening to the song Call Me Maybe, one of Selah’s favorites:).  She loves to sing, “Call Me BB!”. Anyway, we were all dancing, swinging our arms up and down, and I look over and there Selah is, looking right at what I’m doing and giving it all her two year old self.  She was getting down!  She was trying to throw in her own moves, too, and it was all isolated and choppy, so adorable!!  I almost started crying I was so in love.  She is getting to be so much fun:). 

I pray God blesses you to love someone as I love Selah:).  Children with special needs are a blessing, no matter what anyone tries to tell you!

Words

Before you read this post, please click HERE and be praying for those precious boys!

Proverbs 18:21, “The power of life and death is in the tongue.”

Those are some heavy WORDS.  God has been reminding me so much lately about the power of words.

Most of the time, I don’t like to think about the consequence of my words.  “They’re just words…” I think to myself.  Every word has the power of life and death in it, says the Word of God.  We have the ability to bless or curse in our tongue.  Curses are real, not just hocus pocus.  Why do you think that in the story of Balaam and his donkey in the Bible that they tried so hard to get him to curse Israel?  Blessings are also real.  When we speak positively and encouragingly, we bring forth blessing through our words.  Words are serious.

There’s a new song out by Hawk Nelson with Bart Miller from MercyMe called “Words”.  I encourage you to listen to it if you haven’t already heard it.  What he’s saying is so true.

For a long time I have struggled with controlling my tongue.  I have a very strong willed rudder for my ship:).  I can’t even count how many times I have regretted what I spewed out in my anger or frustration.  In doing a study of James, I was very convicted.  I repented but still struggle.  I cannot control my tongue without Jesus!  I absolutely cannot be what my Father desires in my own strength.  I am forever grateful that Jesus does not leave me stranded!  When I mess up and send some hateful words into the atmosphere, and I humbly admit to my Papa that I have indeed sinned, again, He takes me right back!  It blows my mind.  What a gracious God I serve! 

I don’t ever want to pervert grace, don’t get me wrong.  I desire with everything in me to bring glory and honor to the One who deserves it everyday, and I know God looks at my heart.  When I ask for forgiveness and try (in His strength) to be conformed to His image, He looks past my failures into my heart.  Praise be to God Most High!! 

Will you join me in the fight against our depraved tongues?  Let’s be like Isaiah and admit that our tongues are sinful, but accept His cleansing.  Although the purification process through fire can be painful, we will be able to see our Creator’s reflection in us even more clearly than before.  Let’s take Jesus’ hand and show Satan Who’s boss!!!! 

The Future

Thank y’all so much for praying for Buckshot, he is home now and getting better every hour! 

The future.  Those are some pretty intimidating words for a 15 year old.  Especially a type A planner-likes-to-know-all-the-answers girl like me:). 

It seems like everyday someone asks me something like, “What college are you going to?” “What do you want to be when you grow up?” “Do you know what you want to do?” 

I am blessed to live in blessed family in a blessed nation where the possibilities are endless for my future.  That also scares me, though.  I for sure like to have things all figured out.  I believe God has gifted me with the ability to organize things and plan well. There’s a balance, though.  I don’t want to plan my life, because my plans are the ugliest shade of pale compared to my Author’s plan for my life! 

Just so everyone knows, I don’t know if I want to go to college.  I don’t know what God has in store for me.  I believe He will reveal it to me in His timing. 

He HAS revealed to me that I will work with Eastern European special needs orphans in some way or another.  That’s a long story, but I believe that’s the direction He wants me to go.  I want to do what He wants me to do.

I also want to get married and have children and be a blessed among women type of mother.  I so desire to raise kids!  I want to stay home with them and be available to them 24/7.

I’m so glad all of these details about how everything fits together are not in my hands.  Up until a few weeks ago, the questions I would get would make me get real flustered.  A lump would come into my throat and I felt like if I talked about it, I would cry.  I’ve needed to make some decisions about school and things like that (because my current course load is somewhat dependant upon what direction I want to take for my future), and talking about them just about did me in.  I prayed, and I was prayed over.  I read some of my favorite chapters like Isaiah 51 and Psalms 139.  I wanted so badly to not feel so heavy about these decisions!  What I’ve learned is that He doesn’t want me to, and like a good Daddy He lifted them from me and gave me exactly what I was needing at that time. 

Anxiety is something I’ve had to combat my whole life.  While I have a bold spirit, anxiety about the “answers” always seems to creep in.  Just recently I have grabbed a hold of God’s many promises in His Word about this subject and have warred against anxiety with all my HIS strength.  Jesus has already won!  He has redeemed my heart from anxiety.  When that sick feeling overcomes my stomach and I feel like I might throw up, or when I feel so flustered I can’t even talk without crying, His promises are there.  He’s right there holding my arms up.  And I’m right there staring up into His eyes proclaiming what a magnificent King He is!  Praise is the key.  Through praise, chains are broken!  All blessing and honor and glory BELONG to my Papa, forever and ever, amen! 

So, for anyone who is struggling with “knowing the answers”, take heart.  Our good, good God is right there.  Just tell Him what’s up and praise His worthy name and He will NEVER EVER fail.  Don’t be afraid of failure (because I have a lot in my life) but ask Him for guidance.  He’s not going to spank you and put you in a time out!  True love casts out all fear, and if you’re scared to admit to God that you don’t have it all figured out, don’t be.  He already knows how you feel, and He wants us to cast all our burdens on Him.  His love is so immense.  He will pull you onto His lap and sing into your ear how precious you are to Him.  How the day you were born was a day to rejoice in heaven, for you bring Him such delight! 

I am taking my faith walk minute to minute, hour to hour, day to day, and I know my God will come through.  I’m so excited for the plans He has in store!  When I won the mission trip to Guatemala,  I felt like God was calling me out and saying, “You, precious daughter, I want you to go to Guatemala!” It’s almost too much!  That kind of stuff just doesn’t happen unless God clearly did it.  It was a drawing with a bunch of names.  I’m just so excited about what He has in store.  I am forever thankful to my Savior for His blood.  Without it, I would surely die. 

My hardest time with anxiety is laying in bed trying to go to sleep.  My mind will not turn off and I mull over every detail of my life and try to figure everything out late into the night.  What I’ve found is listening to the Bible with the YouVersion App is awesome.  Something comes alive in me listening to His Word being read.  Also, getting a good Jesus Culture CD and listening to it as I fall asleep.  Worship music places my thoughts on true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, and praiseworthy things. 

I know this post is all over the place, but I hope it was encouragement to someone out there!

This song has been on my heart lately, Did You Feel The Mountains Tremble by Delirious:

Did you feel the mountains tremble?
Did you hear the oceans roar?
When the people rose to sing of
Jesus Christ the risen one

Did you feel the people tremble?
Did you hear the singers roar?
When the lost began to sing of
Jesus Christ the risen one

And we can see that God you're moving
A mighty river through the nations
And young and old will turn to Jesus
Fling wide your heavenly gates
Prepare the way of the risen Lord

Open up the doors and let the music play
Let the streets resound with singing
Songs that bring your hope
Songs that bring your peace

Dancers who dance upon injustice
Did you feel the darkness tremble?
When all the saints join in one song
And all the streams flow as one river
To wash away our brokenness

And here we see that God you're moving
A time of Jubilee is coming
When young and old return to Jesus
Fling wide your heavenly gates
Prepare the way of the risen Lord

Let’s dance upon injustice today, my friends!!

 

 

I Won……

a mission trip to Guatemala!!!  You can click HERE to read all about it from my mom.

If you clicked to read the post my mom wrote about the trip, then you saw my reaction.  I was so excited!!  The past few weeks I have been wrestling with my future.  All of these questions are before me, and in my human nature, I’m trying to answer all of them and get a plan for the rest of my life.  This past weekend I let go and let God, and He GAVE me a trip to Guatemala!  I am blown away by His faithfulness and am continuing to trust that He’ll give me all the details and plans of the trip.  God has such an awesome plan for my life that I can’t see right now, but I’m excited for this next chapter!!  Thank You, Jesus!!!

A Little Devo

I hope everyone had a great weekend!  I sure did!  I was able to go to a women’s retreat for my birthday with my mom.  We rode with our friend, Bonnie (who was a speaker at the retreat), her mom, and her daughters, Emily, Bailey, and Abigail.  It was awesome.  I had a blast hanging out with my good friends Emily and Bailey! Here are some pics:

Emily, me, and Bailey

Emily and I (I love her!)

 

Now to the devo:

I read this verse the other morning and it hit me like a rock:

“Cease to do evil, learn to do good; seek justice, rebuke the oppressor; defend the fatherless, and plead for the widow.”

Isaiah 1:16-17

God told Isaiah to tell the Israelites this, because they had gotten so corrupt.  They had walked away from all of God’s statutes (again) and needed a Savior. 

What hit me is that God was just basically saying, “Here’s what my heart is, follow it”. 

Think about it.

Cease to do evil.  God is the opposite of evil.

Learn to do good.  God is all things good.

Seek justice.  He is the all time most just Judge ever.  He is the epitome of justice.

Rebuke the oppressor.  God rebukes Satan all the time, and the same power that raised Christ from the grave lives inside of us to do the same.

Defend the fatherless.  He says it over and over in His Word that this is a big deal to Him and desires us to do what He does.

Plead for the widow.  He wants us to plead for the widow and take care of her, because that is His heart, according to other verses.

I think that if we do all of this, encased in love (because without it, these things would be nothing) we would be accurately following God’s heart. 

Just a cool thing God showed me!

May you be blessed from the tip of your head to the soles of your feet today, my friend.

My Story Part 3

Our family now had seven kids, Naomi, Parker, Meribeth, Mattie, Sawyer, Asher, and Kiefer.  Naomi and Asher were still adjusting in November when God surprised us with Ella and Selah.

Ella and Selah’s story is pretty crazy, you can read it HERE.  I had always wanted a baby sister (doesn’t every girl?), and so all of my dreams came true with Selah Karis.  She and I have a special bond and I love her almost like my daughter (is that creepy…..?).  I loved every minute of rocking her to sleep and playing on the floor with her.  I remember sitting next to her Bumbo seat while she was watching Barney, reading my Bible every night.  She was just my little love!!  Even though she had THESE diagnoses, I still loved her recklessly.  She ended up undergoing skull reconstruction (the last picture of her is in the hospital for that surgery).  We also had to figure out ethnic hair with Ella.  Man, that was an uphill climb! 

My little Bug Bug (Selah):

 

 

During this time, God was really teaching me about worship.  We started going to a new church after Chrissie died because it was too hard on my dad to sit in the same sanctuary where her celebration of life was.  I was soaking all of the teaching up.  I joined a worship dance team and God birthed a love of worship in my heart.  He was revealing His Holy Spirit to me, also.  Then God called us to another church in the summer of 2011, and we still go to that church.  He was taking me down a road to intimacy with Him.  Now, my eyes are still being opened all the time and I have SO much to learn it is ridiculous, but during that time our relationship was deepening every day. 

God asked our family to host two Ukrainian boys in the summer of ‘11, Vlad and Dima.  That was an amazing summer.  11 kids running around in the Texas heat, it was pretty sweet.  I still love ol’ Vladdie and Dim-ka.  They will always be in my heart.

We believed God asked us to adopt them, and both Vlad and Dima wanted us to adopt them, so after they went back to Ukraine at the end of the summer, we started the process to adopt them. 

I had the privilege to go with my dad to Ukraine in December of 2011 to go bring Vlad and Dima home (so we thought).  When we got there, we were told they were no longer available for adoptions.  They put a bunch of pictures of other kids in front of my dad and basically said, “Pick some different ones”.  We went back to the apartment and were desperately trying to figure out what to do.  After a series of crazy events, God led us to Conner and Cooper.  They were two boys who had Down syndrome living in a dark place.  They were both so tiny from malnourishment, and we feared Conner wasn’t going to make it very much longer.

Dad and I flew home on December 21st, and on December 23rd, my Nana suddenly and unexpectedly died after having a heart attack while she was alone in her home.  That Christmas was the worst ever.  I was battling jet lag (it was way worst coming home), Selah was not sleeping through the night (the beginning of her sleep disorder, I’m talking staying up for hours on end), my Nana had just died, and we didn’t get to even “do” Christmas until the 31st.  I remember Christmas day was a Sunday, and the night before Selah was up for a LONG time and Meribeth and I switched off all night because we were trying to let Mom sleep after Nana had died.  We walked into church dead tired.  Not even functioning.  Blah. Then a few days later I spoke at my own grandma’s funeral.  Again, not trying to complain, this was just a pretty stinky week.

A big part of the next few months was Selah’s sleeping disorder.  Mom and Dad left to get Conner and Cooper in January, so Meribeth and I switched off staying up with Selah every other night.  Selah would go to bed really late (because we couldn’t get her to go to sleep earlier) then she would wake up, and we would rock her for anywhere from one hour to five hours.  Then she would usually wake up another time for a while.  But there was really no pattern.  I remember trying to do Chemistry after staying up all night, and just being blank.  A 14 year old really just can’t function like that.  But God!  He really did give me the strength to get through that.  I was able to get an A in every subject that year and eventually Mom did come back.  And with two new blessings!

Conner and Cooper are awesome. I love Down syndrome.  Coop-Coop and Ner are the nick-names I’ve given them, and I can’t get enough of their love.  Sure, Cooper’s breath smells pretty bad (because he always has his mouth open, which breed nasty-smelling bacteria), and Conner has spit up on me more than I can count, but those hugs are worth it. 

Me with the littles:

Fast forward past an awesome summer, some more sleepless nights, Asher leaving our family (after two years of respite, he returned to his original adoptive family), and a lot of adjusting since Conner and Cooper were 7-year-olds, but developmentally at about 6-month-olds.  God led us to an awesome sleep specialist who put her on an awesome sleep cocktail which has allowed her to have more predictable nights!  Which means SLEEP for us (a chorus of angels singing “Halleluiah”)!  We now have ten kids in our home, and four new kids in our school room (we are doing respite homeschooling for another family).  It’s been a wild ride, but I wouldn’t change any of it (ok, I would choose to have Chrissie by my side right now).  I will continue to strive to bring honor and glory to my Papa God, love my neighbor as myself, and be like Jesus.

I have a whole lot more to learn, but hey (as my favorite Uncle Si would say), I’m only 15!

My Story Part 2

First of all, thank all of you SO much for the birthday wishes, it made my day!!

Now for the continuation:

In the summer of 2009, God gave my mom a dream. It was a horrific nightmare about the mistreatment of special needs orphans in Easten Europe. God gave her the word ‘urgent’. She absolutely knew when she saw little “Barbara’s” face with the word ‘URGENT’ in the subject line of the email that she was ours. She was a little four year old girl in Serbia with big brown eyes and many severe congenital heart defects who wasn’t even supposed to be alive, much less make it to four years old. God also gave us her new name, “Christyn Joy”, which means ‘one who holds Christ in her heart’. All of us were on board, even after my parents explained that she “might not make it”. There was seriously not ONE SINGLE doubt in my mind that she would not survive the necessary surgery to fix her very broken heart.

My parents traveled to Serbia in October of 2009 and we became Chrissie's family the same month. From the moment she arrived Chrissie had captivated our hearts. I remember the first night she arrived, it was late and Chrissie was clinging to Mom and Dad. We all decided to sleep on Mom and Dad’s floor and while Mom was getting ready for bed I crawled into bed next to Chrissie and she snuggled close and hugged my neck so tightly. She later became famous for her choke hold hugs:).

It became apparent that she would not only captivate our hearts, but also the heart of every single person she came in contact with. From grocery store clerks, to her many specialists, everyone was in love with this miracle girl. The question in the back of everyone’s mind was, “When will she have the surgery?”. We scheduled a few times, but God kept delaying it in one way or another.

We did everything together:





This may seem like a rabbit trail or a sidetrack, but I need to tell Kiefer’s story now! Many of you know that in January of 2010 there was an awful earthquake in Haiti, and orphans were allowed to get out on Humanitarian Parole. My mom saw another picture of an orphan who would soon join our family! Kenwetchly Filostin (King Wetchly, as he says now) was my brother, no doubt. His face was just so darn cute!! His new name was ‘Kiefer’. God worked out a ton of details super fast, and I was able to travel with my mom to Miami to in April of 2010 to pick him up.
Some pics of Kiefer:

Kiefer was only 22 months old, and Chrissie’s open heart surgery was scheduled for April 19th. Two weeks after Kiefer came home! We knew that Mom and Dad would have to spend a lot of time at the hospital with Chrissie, and we couldn’t understand why God had brought us another kid right before such a monstrous event. But He knew better!

I think this is one of the only pictures we have of Kiefer and Chrissie together, he wouldn’t smile, but she was determined:).

You can read Chrissie’s heart surgery chronicles starting HERE. On May 19, 2010, Chrissie had open-heart surgery. On the day she had her surgery, she died, but God brought her back to us. My mom and dad were with my sister in the hospital. From my perspective, those days were pretty dark. I was only 12 and I was taking care of a two year old and felt very responsible for him. Kiefer was still learning to talk, didn't understand English, must have been scared out of his mind, and had lots of nasty diapers due to the multiple parasites he had in Haiti. I missed my mom and hated seeing my precious Chris-Chris in so much pain.  Then there were the days when we would all huddle around the computer and check for updates every five minutes. I would pack every Friday for all of us to go to San Antonio to stay at a campground and hopefully spend some time with Mom while my Nana stayed with Chrissie. Then every Sunday night I would unpack and start the next grueling week. I know for sure that without Jesus, there is no way I could have gotten through that. I cried myself to sleep with pitiful cries for help from Jehovah many nights. I’m not trying to complain, I’ve just read this story through my mom’s eyes many times, and don’t know if the kid’s view has ever been posted. Kiefer was such a joy, though, during those hard times. He would crack us up and was so fun to play with.
I remember the day so vividly. It was 4am and Dad woke me up and asked me to come sleep with Kiefer because Chrissie wasn’t doing well and he had to go to the hospital. I prayed in and out of sleep until at 5am, our teacher Stephanie (who lives on our ranch) woke me up saying she needed me to come now. I hopped out of bed and met everyone in the my room. There were five sleepy kids with fearful eyes sitting cross legged on the floor when Stephanie put the phone on speaker and all I could hear was my mom’s sobs. The minute I heard it I looked at everyone else and started shaking my head, rocking back and forth, while tears just ran from my eyes. My mom finally managed to get out that Chrissie had gone to be with Jesus. Even through all of the hospital stuff, I never EVER thought she would not make it. EVER. It felt like I had been punched and I went numb. No way, God, nuh uh.

We drove to the hospital early that Wednesday morning and I looked out the window at all of the cars, wondering how anyone could possibly go on with their day when my world had just shattered. I cried harder than I ever had that day. I couldn’t bear to look at those little pig tails sticking out of a blanket that covered her. I sank against her room’s wall and listened to K-LOVE as I tried to not pass out. There were a lot of hospital staff and people coming to send their condolences. I didn’t even notice. I was just in shock.

That whole summer went by in a daze. Every time I thought of her, which seemed like every minute, it felt like a knife was being plunged into my stomach and I got a stomach ache. Kiefer was the only thing that got us out of bed in the morning. I can’t tell you a whole lot that went on that summer. It felt like I “woke up” that fall when I was in the musical Pinnochio and made a lot of new friends (and, as only God would have it, we go to their church now and are still friends). I struggled a lot with wondering why God would ever do this to me. Me, me, me. Didn’t He take into account that I would be crushed?! I was bitter. I put on a happy face, but I just didn’t know how I could get over that nagging question, “Why, God?”. Now, that seems so cliche, but it’s true. I still have not answered that question, and probably wont until I get to heaven, but I have come back to my Papa God. It’s been a process, and it took a while, but in order to heal the hurt I harbored toward God, I felt like I needed to forgive Him. I know God doesn't sin, and therefore, doesn't need to be forgiven, but I had to come to grips with all the emotion I had in my heart.  I now fully trust that He works ALL things out for the good of those who love Him. This took off another deep layer of my selfishness. It’s just not about me. It’s about giving the deserving God of Wonders the honor He deserves! It’s about the time I DID get with the girl who changed my life. It’s about learning to treasure every friendship and love to the fullest. It’s about Jesus. This stirs me up, guys! The Holy Spirit is all over this! Even though I couldn’t see it then, I can now, and I thank the Healer of my heart.
Oh, that summer we got two new additions:). Naomi Faith and Asher. Naomi was brought home from Haiti a few days before her 18th birthday, and Asher was brought to us for two years as respite care.


I didn't mean for my story to be three parts, but it's proving too much for two:)

To be continued.......

My Story Part 1

I am following in my mom's footsteps and starting my own blog!  I am doing this sort of as a 15th birthday thing (which is today!) so I figured I would start off with my story written out for all to read:). 

       I grew up the only girl with two brothers.  I accepted Jesus as my Savior when I was 5.  I was a happy little girl, except that I HATED being the only girl in a "sea of boys" (my cousins on both sides were also boys) I and really wanted a sister.  Truth was, I didn't mind so much being the "princess" of the family and being a bit spoiled.  It was kind of nice.  Looking back now, I realize God must have placed the desire for a sister in my heart from early on for a reason.  That reason's name is Meribeth. 

       When I was around 7, I think, I asked my mom if she could have a baby, preferably a girl:).  Mom said that I would have to take it up with God.  I knew that God gave people that loved Him the desires of their hearts,  so I decided I would take it up with Him.  I prayed everyday that God would bring me a sister.  And He did, just not the way I thought He would.

     In the fall of 2007, my mom called me into her room one morning.  I crawled into her bed to peak at her computer screen.  On the screen was a picture of a little girl.  She had dark hair, dark skin, and dark eyes.  She was from Colombia.  Her shirt had the word, "Candy" written across it.  Her name was Luz Mery.  She was only 4 months older than me, 10 years old.  My mom started to explain to me that perhaps God was asking us to adopt her, and wanted to know my opinion.  I totally thought she was talking about a sponsorship through World Vision or something and replied, "Well, yeah, I'm all for it.  Don't you think you're making a big deal out of a sponsorship?" She looked a bit stunned and said, "No, like adopt her.  She would be your sister."  My heart skipped a beat and my stomach did some flip flops inside of me as I gleefully replied, "YES!!!!  A thousand times yes!!"  I ran out of the room and started jumping around.  Mom called me back in and we talked about how I wouldn't be the only girl anymore and I would have to give up a lot of things.  I was still 100 percent positive that I wanted to adopt Luz Mery.

       The next year flew by in preparations to bring Luz Mery home.  I was so excited to be sharing a room and bed and everything I could with my new sister.  We flew the whole family to Colombia in November of 2008, and actually got asked in the airport if we were moving because we had so much luggage!  The first day I met her, I was so nervous.  We were waiting in a small room for her to arrive.  Finally, Luz Mery, my beloved sister whom I had prayed for for so long, walked in the room.  Shy, timid, and so small.  I ran to her and hugged her tight.  As I embraced the sister I had for so long wanted, tears of joy streamed down my 10 year old face. 

       The days and weeks and months to follow were anything but easy.  There was no way I could have prepared myself for such a shock, and neither could she.  We were both thrown into unchartered waters and had to navigate blindly.  We made a lot of mistakes and had a lot of teary nights spent with a pillow between us to give us our own "space" in a bed we shared.  God was stripping me of my selfishness, and softening her heart.  God was also teaching me to accept Jesus as my Lord, not just my Savior.  Despite the language barrier, and our fights, she clung to me like glue.  She was much smaller than me and would literally hide behind me as I would translate for her.  Luz Mery asked us to call her 'Princesa', but God asked us to change her name to Mery Elizabeth (Meribeth), which means 'beloved, wished for child, chosen by God'.  I'm sure all of these changes were super tough on her.  I got pretty sick of her never leaving my side.  I must have forgotten how bad I had always wanted that sister!  Six months after she came home, she went to a camp and accepted Jesus.  She was changed from the inside out.  Jesus had come into her heart and was doing big things.  

       Things were going pretty well, and just when we thought our perfectly balanced, two girls, two boys family was working out, God called us to adopt again.

                                                             To be continued........